New Beginnings

My dearest Nina,

The past few months have been a whirlwind. We have gone through so much in order to buy a home. We have been looking for quite some time and we finally found our perfect home. The stress of not knowing if it was ours or not and everything that came with buying a house was enough to almost make me break. But I'm still here kiddo. I've realized a lot of things over the years and I know as the years pass, you will come to realizations yourself.

As you grow older, you grow a little bit wiser. I didn't want to rent an apartment forever. I wanted better for you. I wanted a backyard with a swing set, another dog, your own huge room, a neighborhood filled with friendly people and kids, a place for you to grow up in, a place I will never take away. Having you so young, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I don't really think many people do at that age. I knew with all of my heart that I wanted you though. I just didn't know what to do with my life. I made some poor choices but I also made some good ones and that is life baby. You're not always going to do what's right. No one gets it right the first time. Just keep going and realize that eventually you will be where you're meant to be. A very smart friend of mine told me just yesterday to trust the plan, not the pain. You are going to go through some heart aches in life but when you have so many people surrounding you who love you, you'll never feel alone.

This is our house! For you, for me, for Jamie and Molly and all our little animals. I am so grateful to be able to say that I own a home and I will work tirelessly every single day for the rest of my life to ensure that this is your home forever. Because you deserve that.

I wanted to let you know how proud I am of the little woman you are becoming. I cannot believe you are seven years old now. I know I always say this, but the time is flying. You are sweet, kind and loving. You are goofy, funny and unique. You are beautiful inside and out to your very core. I adore how much you love animals and how you talk to them and spend so much time with them. I look at you and I see myself and how I was when I was a little girl. You're a people pleaser. Even when people don't deserve it. You just want everyone to be happy. I do too. But sometimes, you're not always going to please everyone and you have to do what you think is right for you and what makes you happy. This is one of those things I have realized over the years.

So many amazing things are going to happen for you. You'll see. And I'll be right here cheering you on, supporting you, loving you and always doing right by you.


Love,
Mommy

Things that need to be written about

Hi my beautiful girl. I'm writing this one to you because I failed to tell you about some things that I said I would in a previous entry. I'm not sure if you will remember some of these things that have happened since you were a little young, but who knows. My earliest, vivid memories are from when I was around five or six. I always say we make a better version of ourselves so who knows? Maybe you'll remember things from when you were just a tot. <3

September 16, 2014 was a very sad day for your family. Grandpa Avallone passed away. He was your Great Grandfather, your Dad's Grandfather. He was a sweet, gentle man. I'll never forget the way he looked at you when you were a baby. It almost looked as if he had actual diamonds sparkling in his eyes. Nothing else mattered. He would stare and smile at you for what seemed like an eternity. He loved you very much Nina and he was also very loved by so many people. He was a very fragile man in his later years, but for someone with such a delicate exterior, he was quite the opposite inside. He made your family what it is today. Your Grandma and Grandpa Avallone are two of the most amazing people I have ever met in my entire life and they built an incredible family that I too, am proud to be a little part of. I hope that you remember him when you're an adult, because he loved you so and I know you loved him too.

In the same month that your Grandpa Avallone passed, your Memere came to visit. I had surgery and she came and stayed for a couple of weeks to help me take care of you. Your Memere is..... THE BEST. She is soft spoken and very gentle. She is probably the sweetest woman I have ever known in my life and quite the character too. You can play many tricks on Memere and she will fall for it every single time without fail. She is a bit gullible and it is hilarious. Not only is she fun to be around but she takes care of everyone so well, like it's her duty to make sure everyone is happy. This is how Memere will always be.

So when Memere was here, you guys had a lot of "junk fests." That's what Memere named it. Every day you would ask Memere if it was time for another junk fest. I would hear you and her playing barbies in your bedroom and her being as silly as can be using different voices. When you weren't here, she would make sure your room was spotlessly clean. I would hear her in there talking to your little stuffed animals and she would dress them up really funny for when you came home so you could get a good laugh. She sure does love you baby girl. Whenever you would say something that was inappropriate (but funny), Memere would go, "OH NINA!" She did it in the funniest voice ever. I still have a video of when you were one and we were over Memere and Poppy's when they lived in NJ and you had just learned to navigate your way around without smashing your face on something. You followed Memere everywhere. She went into the bathroom and you were MAD. You were screaming, "MAYMAY! MAYMAY!!" You took all the magazines and threw them all over and when Memere finally came out of the bathroom, she said, "OH NINA!" I found the video...

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I love you my sweet girl.


Mom

It is August of 2015 now. This school year flew by so fast, I can't even believe it. You're going to be in first grade in a month Nina. FIRST GRADE. I can't wrap my head around that. It seems like just yesterday you were born, goo'in and ga'in all over the place. I have seen you grow more in this past year than I have in your entire life.

I have watched you do some pretty incredible things this year. You can read and write like a second grader. You can count and add and subtract more than your mathematically challenged Mother at your age ever could. I have seen you make new friends and treat them like treasures. You have always been so giving and loving towards everyone, even if you only want to give your daddy and me kisses. You want to try new things and I do my very best to make sure you can experience all of that. You wanted to do dance and we did it. Of course you complained about it at first because you like to stay home on your little gadgets (kids these days) but little did you know that you would end up truly loving it. You even made sure to let me know that you want to do it next year!

I have seen you get up on stage three times this year so far and perform. Once when you graduated Kindergarten, once for your dance recital and once for your summer camp talent show. Your shyness is still very much there, but I am watching you grow out of it every day and that's what makes you, you Nina. I was the same way when I was a little girl. You told me you didn't want to go to camp and on the first day I picked you up and you had on a jester hat you made and I asked you how you liked camp and you said you loved it. Later on that evening, your friend Danielle came over and I heard her say to you, "You know camp is six hours long?" Then you came running in to the kitchen and yelled at me, "Are you crazy Mom? You sent me somewhere for SIX HOURS?!" Yes I did my child. You will be gone longer than that this upcoming school year and you need to get ready for it by waking up in the morning and having a full day of school. You still throw a fit sometimes (especially on days when you don't go on trips) about going to camp but you go and you end up having a blast every single time. You see, I know you. I know that you have the opportunity there to do different things and make new friends and although that may scare you, I have to let that happen. Growing emotionally and socially isn't going to happen by staying home all the time my sweet Nina. I'm just so proud that you have made such big strides over the last twelve months.

Your teacher absolutely adored you this year. She always complimented me on how polite you are and how smart you are. Of course I already know those things but now everyone else who gets to know you sees it too. I couldn't be more proud of the little woman you are becoming. You still wrap your little arms and legs around me and tell me you love me. You nuzzle your little head in my neck and call me "Mama do da." You always say I'm the best Mom in the world and hug me so tight, the love explodes out of me. I am a lucky person to have such an amazing daughter.

You're also still extremely funny. You're a little goofball. Whenever I take you to see movies, you always look up at me at the sad parts and start laughing because you know I'm crying. Haha! You say, "I knew you were going to cry at that part." But there have been times where I caught you tearing up at certain times in movies we have seen and it amazed me. Your heart is bigger than the universe and you feel a lot more than most kids do. You're just a wise little girl and you make your Mommy unbelievably happy. Every morning you wake up smiling and laughing and I know we are doing something right. I love you my little Nina Bean. I know you hate being called that now, but to me, you'll always be my Bean. <3

Your loving Mum

Things to catch you up on

The days go on so quickly. The hours and minutes and moments all pass by before my very eyes. It feels like just yesterday I was six years old, swinging so high on our swing set that I thought I could reach the clouds. Now my own daughter is six years old and I am thirty. If I blink again, I’ll be 50 and at her wedding.

I live in these moments with you, sweet girl, and often forget that if I don’t write about them, then you won’t remember when I tell you a funny story about yourself one day. Or maybe you will, but we live in an age where we have the technology to document everything and baby girl, that’s what I am doing. Others sometimes criticize me for posting so much about our life together. They say that they enjoy their private lives. Well, that’s fine. They can enjoy their private lives just like we do, but some of those funny moments we share together, I want to read in thirty years together and laugh.

Well, you started school this past September. It’s only half day so it’s not the greatest in the world. I feel like you say you “hate school” not because you actually hate it but because it’s just not long enough. As soon as you get there, it’s time to come home again. Some things that I have loved in the past four months:

1   -You read to me like crazy. You read and write and count and add and subtract and I love it and it amazes me and you’re so, SO smart baby. I couldn’t be more proud.

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     -You LISTEN. While other kids don’t listen to their Mommy’s and Daddy’s and throw fits and lie, you don’t do any of those things. Sometimes you don’t necessarily like what I’m asking you to do, but you do it and you get over it and that’s that. I ask you to clean your room, and you do it. I ask you to help me with something, and you do it. You don’t ask questions when I ask you to do something. You don’t have a meltdown and cry. You’re just awesome Nina. All except for food- you don’t try new things AT ALL. Not too long ago I decided to have a food party where I make different goodie bags as prizes if you taste something new and you FREAKED OUT. It was a complete disaster. I thought for sure it would be a fun way for you to try new things but your will baby. You’ve got a strong one. Stubborn just like your Daddy. But since I just wrote about him, I also must write that you love him dearly. You are 100∞ a “Daddy’s Girl.” It’s nice when he spends time here or I go there and I see you guys interacting with each other. I don’t know your minute-to-minute life when you’re with your Dad, so when I see you guys together and laughing, my heart is complete. I know when you aren’t with me, you’re happy and that he makes you happy and that is all I ever want in this life.

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     -I joined the PTO and became the classroom Mom for your Kindergarten class. Ten years ago I never would have though that this would be my life and that this would be the best time in my life. It’s amazing how we grow as humans. I got to know all the kids in your class and some of the parents and it makes me feel at ease knowing I can come and go from the school whenever I want and I get to come in and do some pretty cool crafts and stuff with you and your friends. We went to your first school dance together. I dressed up as SpongeBob. Not because I wanted to, but because you asked me to. And well, who could say no to someone as sweet as you? You dressed up as Elsa from Frozen and oh MY LORD NINA, I hope you remember that you were obsessed with Frozen like every other little kid in the world. There were 27 Elsa’s at your school dance. I, of course, was one of the only parents dressed as anything and I was a huge square. I didn’t care because I had a BLAST with you and your friends. We all held hands and danced around. It was a great night and I know you’ll remember that one.

4   -I went on your class field trip with you to Lee’s Turkey Farm. I also made a request that you have your little boy crush be in our group and guess what? He was in our group. I played with you all on the playground and ran up and down castles and slides and swings while all the other parents just kind of sat around. I realized that you bring out the kid in me again and things that used to feel sad to me, like Christmas and Thanksgiving became something so exciting to me again. I think I’m more excited for the Holidays as a parent than I was when I was a kid. Seeing your face light up…. Brings tears to my eyes just imagining it. Also, on that trip we picked little pumpkins. When we got back to the school, we walked through the hallways back to your classroom and a little girl in your class dropped hers. She started crying so hard and you went up to her and gave her your pumpkin and told her it’s okay. Even typing that makes me cry. Yeah, I know…. I’m a big baby. You have such a huge heart in that little body of yours. Being your Mom is the best part of my life.

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     -Back to that crush thing…. NINA AND RONAL SITTIN’ IN THE TREE K-I-S-S-I-N-G! His name is Ronal, not Ronald which you’ve yelled at me for numerous times. It’s really, really REALLY cute. You guys take the bus home together and every time I get you from the bus, you say bye to him a few times and have this kiddy love look on your face. You admitted to me last week that you guys hold hands on the bus on the way home. You said, “I don’t know why Roanal holds my hand on the bus, but I let him.” It’s cute now, but in ten years I’ll let your Daddy deal with the boys. Something tells me, he will interrogate every boy in your life to the point of embarrassment. Rightfully so. If any little shit bag boy breaks your heart, I’m going to ruin his world. Swear jar… I know. I’ll put it in there when I’m done writing this.

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    -You ACCIDENTALLY lost your first tooth. It must have been loose but you sure yanked that thing out even though it probably wasn’t ready. I got you one of those prizes from the machine you put 50¢ in and you were trying to push it up and open with your bottom teeth. You got it open and your tooth came with it! Nina, you cried SO hard you fell asleep in the car. Then you refused to live without a paper towel in your mouth (the feeling of your tongue hitting the hole where your tooth used to be really freaked you out) and then when I told you that you had to take the paper towel out, you freaked out some more but by that time it was bedtime and you just fell asleep. It broke my heart but it was kind of funny at the same time. Every time we walk past those machines now, you walk a little faster. Also, the tooth fairy left you 5 bucks. She didn’t want to set the bar too high.

Since this is getting lengthy, I will divide it in to two parts. Next on the blog agenda: Mémère comes to visit, Grandpa Avallone, the Holidays, and your girlfriends. I love you sweet girl. You are my light and my life and I love you to the moon, the stars, and the heavens and back.

Mom

Kindergarten

Every day Nina comes home from school and tells us about what she did there. When she wakes up, she's smiling or singing or talking to Molly the Dog before we get ready for school. When she goes to sleep, she's smiling and snugly and trying to get me to sleep in bed with her. We read a lot of books before bed. She has so many that I think I need to build a book shelf in her bedroom! Every day, Nina learns new things and every day she experiences new adventures. Every day she is growing more and more and before my very eyes, she's becoming her own little person.

Nina has this incredible ability to make people happy. If you're on antidepressants, no need. Just spend a couple of weeks with this little gal and you'll be rejuvenated. She's happy, she's caring, she's loving, she's funny, and she would take the tiny shirt off of her tiny back to give to you if you were cold. Of course it would probably only cover a part of your arm, but nonetheless, she would give it if it made you just a little bit warmer. I like to think of Nina as the sun. She's the center of my universe. I know there are an infinite amount of possibilities of where and what the center of the universe is, but the sun is the brightest. She is the brightest star in my world.

This morning when Nina woke up for school, I heard her talking to Molly the Dog. She was snuggling on her (I know because she's always hanging on Molly and Molly savors every moment) and telling her how much she loves her. She talks in this sweet, little protective Mom voice. One day she told her, "I don't care if you ever do anything bad Molly, I will always love you and forgive you." I feel like this will be the case with people in her life as well. If Nina truly loves someone, she won't care what they have done... she will always love them. And if that is the case, she will have taken after her Mother and while it is a beautiful sentiment, it is a blessing and a curse. I'm quickly approaching thirty years old and I have only begun to learn who is worth keeping in my life and who is not. I hope she is wiser than me in that aspect. I believe it will save her from a lot of heart ache. But maybe she will just be stronger than me instead. I like to think it's the latter.

They made me the classroom Mom for Nina's class. I've gotten to know Nina's teacher, some of her friends, some parents, and the school staff. I'm very grateful to be a part of this and to be a part of her childhood memories in this way. Hey, maybe next year I'll trade my Civic Si in for a minivan (barf). But seriously though, I've actually considered it. I cart most of the kids around as it is anyway. ;)

Nina has a school dance coming up. Yeah I know. A school dance in Kindergarten.... weird. She's dressing up as Elsa from Frozen as is her friend Danielle and I'm sure every other little girl in school. But she's going to be the most beautiful Elsa because she's just that beautiful inside and out. <3 I am helping to decorate and chaperoning it and also chaperoning her school trip and also doing the Halloween craft with her class. Ha. I've got my plate full of Nina and I couldn't be happier with how full it is.

She comes home from school and talks about her friends and what they talk about and what they laugh about and it fills my heart with the most happiness I have ever felt. I thank the universe every day that Nina chose me to be her Mother. She is my sun, my moon, my stars.

I love you Nina Marie

Love,
Mom

Today was the day. Today my baby girl started her first day of school. She has so many years ahead of her and so many new experiences to look forward to. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be letting her little hand go, although a huge part of me wanted to hold it forever. She left Baby and Babbette behind (I know, right?), didn’t shed one tear and gave an *I’m really excited to start school see ya later kind of bye to her Dad and me. She is growing up before our very eyes and it was apparently so today. Two and a half hours. That’s what I keep telling myself. In two and a half hours I will hear all about her first day of school.

Let me back up to yesterday because yesterday is certainly worth noting. Yesterday was kindergarten orientation. We met her teacher and some of the other parents and students while figuring our way about the classroom and school. After a little while we all met outside to where a bus would take our children for a quick ride around the block so they could get used to riding on it. While waiting for the bus to arrive, we saw a little kid running really fast and really far away from his Mom. Before we knew it, he was all the way in a baseball field.  I call him the “I’m out of here kid.” He obviously wanted nothing to do with a bus or school or any other kids.

Then there was the sad kid. I actually thought there would be a lot more upset and crying kindergartners than there were. As soon as all the kids were on the bus and the bus driver was about to shut the door, here comes the sad kid, tears streaming down his face, snot bubbles escaping from his nose at lightning speed. The poor kid was a mess. I wanted to hug him and wipe those snot boogies away and tell him that it might seem bad now, but it won’t always feel this way. We saw that same kid today outside of the kindergarten drop off hysterical again. Nina looked up at me and asked me why he was crying. I was afraid to tell her that he was scared and didn’t want to leave his Mommy because I thought she would take a cue from him and react in the same way. I decided to take the risk. I told her exactly that… that he was afraid. I told her she should go introduce herself and I could tell she wanted to because I could tell she didn’t want to see him cry. But Nina is a shy young lady (young lady?!) at first. She could not WAIT to get in that building. It filled my heart with such happiness to see how excited she was to start this new journey.

While walking back to my car, we saw the “I’m out of here kid” laying down in the middle of the parking lot throwing a fit. Richie and I just laughed. I feel like thanking the “I’m out of here kid” for making this experience a little less hard. Maybe I’ll thank his Mom tomorrow for raising such an entertaining child. Haha.

I Joined the PTO, signed up as a volunteer for sporting events and holiday parties and all that jazz. I’m ready! Let’s make some cupcakes and brownies and have sleepovers and drive the carpool (the carpool thing may be taking it a little too far…) and live to make our children happy. If we do that, we’ve done alright.

To my beautiful daughter Nina: You make me so proud. I couldn't be more proud of you than I was today when you walked inside that building with your head held high. You have the brightest future and we are so blessed to have you.

Your loving Mum

Time goes by so very fast. I would get down on my knees and beg and plead with it to slow down a bit if I knew it would listen. It seems like just yesterday my daughter Nina was born but in reality, it was five and a half years ago. Tomorrow she’ll be ten and the day after she’ll be fifteen and I’m just not ready for that yet.

I was watching videos of her when she was a baby yesterday. I watched a video of the first time she ate real food. Her eyes were so big I thought they were going to pop out of her little head and the amount of sweet potatoes on her face was probably even with the amount that went in her mouth. I watched a video of the first time she actually walked, which my brother somehow managed to get on tape. I watched a video of her going to the bathroom on her Elmo Potty and how proud of herself she was. I am so happy that I have all of these memories that I can relive. Watching them with her is even better. She laughs like a little maniac and tells me how funny she is. For a five year old, she’s pretty funny. About a month ago we were driving and the sky looked like it was going to unleash a storm of epic proportions. She said, “Mommy, the sky looks like it has to go potty real bad.” Maybe it was the way she said it, or maybe it was just her not trying to be funny and her total innocence; but I laughed so hard I had to pull over.

Nina is smart. She shows me how to work youtube and my cell phone. She speaks to me in Spanish (thanks Dora). She knows the wisdom of Martial Arts. She is counting and adding and reading like she’s in elementary school. She understands people and their feelings. I am boasting, that’s for sure; but I am amazed by this child every day.

My Daughter has this uncanny ability to make people feel better. She can sense when something is wrong, whether it be one of her friends or one of her family members. She goes above and beyond trying to help people to be happy. Not too long ago I dropped a dish on my toe which ended in a lot of blood, some screaming, and a broken appendage. Nina ran over to me on her little tippy toes which she has been doing since she could walk, put her arms around me and said, “Come on Mommy… I’ll take care of you.” She got a chair, dragged it over to the refrigerator, climbed on top of it and got me an ice pack from the freezer. Then she got a pillow and a blanket and put it on the couch and very calmly told me to lay down, put my foot up and relax. I didn’t feel like I was being helped by a five year old little girl. I felt like I was being helped by the most caring and selfless nurse I have ever met. Nina is so wise, certainly beyond her years and that amazes me too.

Yesterday, Nina’s friend came over to play. They were out on the deck blowing bubbles. Her friend asked if she could do it and Nina immediately handed it over to her, no questions asked, no snotty looks. Nina sent her home with her favorite monkey doll which emulates a real monkey and is actually kind of creepy. She remembered her friend telling her that she saw the commercial for it and really wanted one. She was going to let her have it before I intervened and said how about she just borrows it. That was good enough for them. Nina is a giver. That’s not something that will ever ago away. That’s how she was born and her altruistic nature will never falter. I just hope as she gets older, people don’t take advantage of her kindness. I know just how awful that feels and it would feel even more awful if I had to see her go through that. Maybe it’s a genetic flaw, but some people in our family have always had a difficult time standing up for themselves. I pray Nina is the opposite. Somehow I know she will be stronger than her Mom. After all, our children are supposed to be better versions of us, right?

To be continued my love. I'm sorry I haven't written in here as much as I should be. 

Your loving Mum