Oh October. Oh it's been a long time.

Hello my darling. I feel so guilty I haven't written in this for a long time. It seems to be that your mother is a slacker when it comes to this blog. However, in my defense, I have been busy with many other things this past year. This year has been filled with many ups and downs and that my dear, is life. And you will soon know that as smooth sailing as it may be at times, rough waters are bound to toss you around.

Since last September, you started school at Herbert Hoover Elementary and I must say, I am pretty impressed with it so far. Although if we are going to be honest, I didn't like your teacher very much. I DO find something I like in everyone so I DID like the fact that she had a really cute dog. Other than that, she kind of reminded me of the kindergarten teacher from Billy Madison who would sit in a rocking chair and rub glue all over her face with a popsicle stick. Just, really not right. But when you get older you'll see that movie and you'll know what i'm talking about. HOWEVER, this year you hit the jackpot with your teacher and I couldn't be happier. Third grade is a big year and I think she is fantastic and someone you will always remember for years to come.

We did the halloween thing. You and Molly of course argued over who had more candy because..... sisters. The neighbor had a creepy walkthrough with a casket at the end and his son was in it. Sammy cried. It was hilarious. I realized how amazing our neighborhood is and over the past year we have grown so close to a lot of them. I'm thankful for them and their friendship and their children because there's nothing I would rather see from my front porch than all the neighborhood kids swinging on our tire swing and you guys all riding bikes together. Even Molly in her cute little dresses on your scooter. Actually, that is my favorite part. You guys all hauling ass down the street and Molly taking her time and gliding so gracefully down the street like a little ballerina in her dress. It's funny to watch. Then she gets down and dirty in the mud and digs holes. Ha. You guys are the best.

Christmas came and hearts were broken. You learned there was no Santa Claus from an e-bay mistake at your Dad's house. I'll never forget the way you said what you said and the look on your face when you said it. My heart broke with yours that day when you realized that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and all of those other dudes weren't real. BUT...... BUT...... now you are excited about it. You certainly got over it quick when you realized you can just ask your dad and me for whatever you want. I was so proud of you for keeping such a big secret from Molly but all that time Molly was keeping the same secret from you. Sisters. <3

Your Memere and Poppy moved in, in December so we could help figure out what was up with Poppy and what medications were making him act so loopy. Memere was having a hard time doing it by herself so I said I would help and then find them a cute little place. Well, it turns out it wasn't the medication at all. Poppy has stage V parkinson's disease and Lewy Body Dementia. That's why he was falling all the time, hearing voices, and was living in diapers. :( Shortly after they moved here, a day before my birthday, Memere fell down the stairs and broke her knee which required surgery and plates and screws and she was in the hospital for quite a long time before going to rehab for a month. During that time, Poppy kept falling. I was up all hours of the night because Poppy didn't sleep and he needed to be changed around the clock. One night, he fell so bad I had to call 911 and he has been living in a nursing home ever since where he got the diagnosis. He comes home every Sunday for dinner and family time and we go visit him there. Nina, you are so funny when you go visit Poppy. Everyone loves you and Molly there. You always say, "Poppy wanna go for a ride?" and his eyes light up and you go barreling down the hallways as fast as you can with him in his wheelchair. I just finished my third book entitled My Poppy is a Secret Superhero. You basically don't find out that Poppy is in a nursing home until the end. The villains are the nurses who are always trying to feed the residents broccoli. The characters are some of the characters from where Poppy lives and one of them is from the nursing home Nanny was at, Delores. She had very bad alzheimers and carried around a baby doll she named James with her all the time that was dressed in girl clothes. We love Delores. We had to introduce ourselves to her every time we saw her but she sure loved you and Molly. You two bring a light to a very dim world that those people live in. They know they're all just waiting to die and you bring them joy.

We went to DISNEY in January and visited all of our family in FL. That was an amazing and unforgettable experience. All of it was so much fun and definitely needed. I'm so grateful we were all able to experience that together. I can't wait to go again one day. You both got to see Okeechobee, FL and got to meet most of my family down there. It's a shame we live so far away from each other but it's also pretty cool that they live in such cool places, right? We will always have a fun place to visit. <3

Right after Disney we had your party at Sports Zone which was your choice. That place pretty much rules. Almost everyone in your class came and all your friends outside of class too. It was definitely a success.

I'm so proud of you my Nina Bean. You work so hard twice a week training in martial arts that you just received your BLUE BELT. You're almost halfway there to getting your black belt. You've been at this for almost your whole life and training at this place for almost two years. Lord knows you can kick my ass.

I'm going to leave it here for now. I have to head to your school because I am working there this week doing a fundraiser for your friend Amanda's family and guess who gets to sit with you at lunch this whole week? ME. I love you so much my little Pygmy Marmoset. I call you that because you ARE my little monkey and they are just the cutest, tiniest little monkeys on earth.


Love always and aways and always,


Mom

Some things we have missed

It’s been a while my little girl. I’ve been so busy making these memories with you but then I wonder what would happen if I forgot. Or you forget. Where are they stored in our memory banks? Sometimes I’ll be somewhere as small as the grocery store and see something as insignificant as a beach shovel in the summer isle and I can remember an entire clip of when I was five years old at the beach with my Mom and Dad and Auntie Theresa and Uncle Buddy in Ft. Pierce, FL. I never remembered the memory before. It was overcast and the waves were strong. There was definitely some sort of an undercurrent because I remember being pulled along back and forth and fighting to make it to shore. It was hard to keep my head above water. When I finally did get to shore, I just laid there. When I saw my Mom, it was as if nothing happened. She didn’t go through that with me. She had no idea. It’s funny how certain things we see can bring our memories back. Certain smells, certain situations we are brought in to. I made this blog so that we can sit back and reminisce together one day and as few and far between as I write in it, I hope that one day you love it. Because I sure do love you with every ounce of my being.

We have done A LOT of things. We bought a house. A very own home of our home. You love it so much my Nina. You ask me all the time, “can we live in this house forever?” I always say yes and I hope that we do and I will do everything in my power to make sure that we all live here forever. I always want this to be our home. And as big as it feels now to you, one day when you’re older you will walk through that door and wonder how something so big can feel so small. It’ll still feel big inside, but it will sure look smaller than the mansion you believe it is now. I used to think my backyard in FL was a mansion and visiting it as an adult, it was the tiniest back yard with the tiniest little shed I used to play school in. I used to think the Grapefruit tree your Uncle Ryan and I used to climb was the biggest tree on earth and when I climbed to the top of it, I could see all the way to Cuba. In reality, I would be lucky if I saw two houses over, but to me, the skyline up there was never ending.

We got a new puppy. You and I stopped at this doggy/puppy place and saw this dog that looked like a miniature Miles (Pup Pup Marty and Grammy’s old dog that howls funny and is really old). We immediately looked at each other and said “YEP, WE ARE BRINGING HIM HOME!” I love doing those spur of the moment things with you, BUT just know bringing animals home is a big deal and if you aren’t planning on keeping them forever, don’t bring them home! We named him Henry and boy was Henry a cute puppy but he drove us CRAZY! But we love him and almost a year later, he still drives us crazy and we still love him to death. Well maybe you and Jamie more than Molly and me. ;) Remember how Jamie was like, “what’s that? That’s not ours, is it? Nope. We aren’t keeping him.” Then a day later, he was, “like awwwww yeah he’s ours, we can keep him!” Now Jamie loves him more than anyone else in the house.

Zula is still your cat. You certainly have a way with animals like I have never seen before. Your love for them is pure and their love for you is a rarity. Every night Molly the Dog and Zula are upstairs on your bed sleeping with you and I’m willing to bet if Henry wasn’t a little monster and could sit still for more than two minutes outside of his bed in his crate at night, he would be sleeping with you too.

I’ll never forget the time we went to a haunted hayride with Molly and Jamie near our old apartment. They had two farm dogs there. The place was so crowded with people, you guys could have easily gotten lost from us if we didn’t keep you close. I looked over and there you were, kneeling down with these two dogs licking your face. I noticed these two dogs earlier that evening with kids running after them trying to pet them and they paid no mind to anyone. But you…for some reason… they just wanted to sit and say Hey Nina, we know you’re good. And you are kiddo. You certainly are.

You are my favorite person in the world. I know I tell you that all the time when I tuck you in at night and I hope you never forget it.

Love Always,

Mom

New Beginnings

My dearest Nina,

The past few months have been a whirlwind. We have gone through so much in order to buy a home. We have been looking for quite some time and we finally found our perfect home. The stress of not knowing if it was ours or not and everything that came with buying a house was enough to almost make me break. But I'm still here kiddo. I've realized a lot of things over the years and I know as the years pass, you will come to realizations yourself.

As you grow older, you grow a little bit wiser. I didn't want to rent an apartment forever. I wanted better for you. I wanted a backyard with a swing set, another dog, your own huge room, a neighborhood filled with friendly people and kids, a place for you to grow up in, a place I will never take away. Having you so young, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I don't really think many people do at that age. I knew with all of my heart that I wanted you though. I just didn't know what to do with my life. I made some poor choices but I also made some good ones and that is life baby. You're not always going to do what's right. No one gets it right the first time. Just keep going and realize that eventually you will be where you're meant to be. A very smart friend of mine told me just yesterday to trust the plan, not the pain. You are going to go through some heart aches in life but when you have so many people surrounding you who love you, you'll never feel alone.

This is our house! For you, for me, for Jamie and Molly and all our little animals. I am so grateful to be able to say that I own a home and I will work tirelessly every single day for the rest of my life to ensure that this is your home forever. Because you deserve that.

I wanted to let you know how proud I am of the little woman you are becoming. I cannot believe you are seven years old now. I know I always say this, but the time is flying. You are sweet, kind and loving. You are goofy, funny and unique. You are beautiful inside and out to your very core. I adore how much you love animals and how you talk to them and spend so much time with them. I look at you and I see myself and how I was when I was a little girl. You're a people pleaser. Even when people don't deserve it. You just want everyone to be happy. I do too. But sometimes, you're not always going to please everyone and you have to do what you think is right for you and what makes you happy. This is one of those things I have realized over the years.

So many amazing things are going to happen for you. You'll see. And I'll be right here cheering you on, supporting you, loving you and always doing right by you.


Love,
Mommy

Things that need to be written about

Hi my beautiful girl. I'm writing this one to you because I failed to tell you about some things that I said I would in a previous entry. I'm not sure if you will remember some of these things that have happened since you were a little young, but who knows. My earliest, vivid memories are from when I was around five or six. I always say we make a better version of ourselves so who knows? Maybe you'll remember things from when you were just a tot. <3

September 16, 2014 was a very sad day for your family. Grandpa Avallone passed away. He was your Great Grandfather, your Dad's Grandfather. He was a sweet, gentle man. I'll never forget the way he looked at you when you were a baby. It almost looked as if he had actual diamonds sparkling in his eyes. Nothing else mattered. He would stare and smile at you for what seemed like an eternity. He loved you very much Nina and he was also very loved by so many people. He was a very fragile man in his later years, but for someone with such a delicate exterior, he was quite the opposite inside. He made your family what it is today. Your Grandma and Grandpa Avallone are two of the most amazing people I have ever met in my entire life and they built an incredible family that I too, am proud to be a little part of. I hope that you remember him when you're an adult, because he loved you so and I know you loved him too.

In the same month that your Grandpa Avallone passed, your Memere came to visit. I had surgery and she came and stayed for a couple of weeks to help me take care of you. Your Memere is..... THE BEST. She is soft spoken and very gentle. She is probably the sweetest woman I have ever known in my life and quite the character too. You can play many tricks on Memere and she will fall for it every single time without fail. She is a bit gullible and it is hilarious. Not only is she fun to be around but she takes care of everyone so well, like it's her duty to make sure everyone is happy. This is how Memere will always be.

So when Memere was here, you guys had a lot of "junk fests." That's what Memere named it. Every day you would ask Memere if it was time for another junk fest. I would hear you and her playing barbies in your bedroom and her being as silly as can be using different voices. When you weren't here, she would make sure your room was spotlessly clean. I would hear her in there talking to your little stuffed animals and she would dress them up really funny for when you came home so you could get a good laugh. She sure does love you baby girl. Whenever you would say something that was inappropriate (but funny), Memere would go, "OH NINA!" She did it in the funniest voice ever. I still have a video of when you were one and we were over Memere and Poppy's when they lived in NJ and you had just learned to navigate your way around without smashing your face on something. You followed Memere everywhere. She went into the bathroom and you were MAD. You were screaming, "MAYMAY! MAYMAY!!" You took all the magazines and threw them all over and when Memere finally came out of the bathroom, she said, "OH NINA!" I found the video...

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I love you my sweet girl.


Mom

It is August of 2015 now. This school year flew by so fast, I can't even believe it. You're going to be in first grade in a month Nina. FIRST GRADE. I can't wrap my head around that. It seems like just yesterday you were born, goo'in and ga'in all over the place. I have seen you grow more in this past year than I have in your entire life.

I have watched you do some pretty incredible things this year. You can read and write like a second grader. You can count and add and subtract more than your mathematically challenged Mother at your age ever could. I have seen you make new friends and treat them like treasures. You have always been so giving and loving towards everyone, even if you only want to give your daddy and me kisses. You want to try new things and I do my very best to make sure you can experience all of that. You wanted to do dance and we did it. Of course you complained about it at first because you like to stay home on your little gadgets (kids these days) but little did you know that you would end up truly loving it. You even made sure to let me know that you want to do it next year!

I have seen you get up on stage three times this year so far and perform. Once when you graduated Kindergarten, once for your dance recital and once for your summer camp talent show. Your shyness is still very much there, but I am watching you grow out of it every day and that's what makes you, you Nina. I was the same way when I was a little girl. You told me you didn't want to go to camp and on the first day I picked you up and you had on a jester hat you made and I asked you how you liked camp and you said you loved it. Later on that evening, your friend Danielle came over and I heard her say to you, "You know camp is six hours long?" Then you came running in to the kitchen and yelled at me, "Are you crazy Mom? You sent me somewhere for SIX HOURS?!" Yes I did my child. You will be gone longer than that this upcoming school year and you need to get ready for it by waking up in the morning and having a full day of school. You still throw a fit sometimes (especially on days when you don't go on trips) about going to camp but you go and you end up having a blast every single time. You see, I know you. I know that you have the opportunity there to do different things and make new friends and although that may scare you, I have to let that happen. Growing emotionally and socially isn't going to happen by staying home all the time my sweet Nina. I'm just so proud that you have made such big strides over the last twelve months.

Your teacher absolutely adored you this year. She always complimented me on how polite you are and how smart you are. Of course I already know those things but now everyone else who gets to know you sees it too. I couldn't be more proud of the little woman you are becoming. You still wrap your little arms and legs around me and tell me you love me. You nuzzle your little head in my neck and call me "Mama do da." You always say I'm the best Mom in the world and hug me so tight, the love explodes out of me. I am a lucky person to have such an amazing daughter.

You're also still extremely funny. You're a little goofball. Whenever I take you to see movies, you always look up at me at the sad parts and start laughing because you know I'm crying. Haha! You say, "I knew you were going to cry at that part." But there have been times where I caught you tearing up at certain times in movies we have seen and it amazed me. Your heart is bigger than the universe and you feel a lot more than most kids do. You're just a wise little girl and you make your Mommy unbelievably happy. Every morning you wake up smiling and laughing and I know we are doing something right. I love you my little Nina Bean. I know you hate being called that now, but to me, you'll always be my Bean. <3

Your loving Mum

Things to catch you up on

The days go on so quickly. The hours and minutes and moments all pass by before my very eyes. It feels like just yesterday I was six years old, swinging so high on our swing set that I thought I could reach the clouds. Now my own daughter is six years old and I am thirty. If I blink again, I’ll be 50 and at her wedding.

I live in these moments with you, sweet girl, and often forget that if I don’t write about them, then you won’t remember when I tell you a funny story about yourself one day. Or maybe you will, but we live in an age where we have the technology to document everything and baby girl, that’s what I am doing. Others sometimes criticize me for posting so much about our life together. They say that they enjoy their private lives. Well, that’s fine. They can enjoy their private lives just like we do, but some of those funny moments we share together, I want to read in thirty years together and laugh.

Well, you started school this past September. It’s only half day so it’s not the greatest in the world. I feel like you say you “hate school” not because you actually hate it but because it’s just not long enough. As soon as you get there, it’s time to come home again. Some things that I have loved in the past four months:

1   -You read to me like crazy. You read and write and count and add and subtract and I love it and it amazes me and you’re so, SO smart baby. I couldn’t be more proud.

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     -You LISTEN. While other kids don’t listen to their Mommy’s and Daddy’s and throw fits and lie, you don’t do any of those things. Sometimes you don’t necessarily like what I’m asking you to do, but you do it and you get over it and that’s that. I ask you to clean your room, and you do it. I ask you to help me with something, and you do it. You don’t ask questions when I ask you to do something. You don’t have a meltdown and cry. You’re just awesome Nina. All except for food- you don’t try new things AT ALL. Not too long ago I decided to have a food party where I make different goodie bags as prizes if you taste something new and you FREAKED OUT. It was a complete disaster. I thought for sure it would be a fun way for you to try new things but your will baby. You’ve got a strong one. Stubborn just like your Daddy. But since I just wrote about him, I also must write that you love him dearly. You are 100∞ a “Daddy’s Girl.” It’s nice when he spends time here or I go there and I see you guys interacting with each other. I don’t know your minute-to-minute life when you’re with your Dad, so when I see you guys together and laughing, my heart is complete. I know when you aren’t with me, you’re happy and that he makes you happy and that is all I ever want in this life.

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     -I joined the PTO and became the classroom Mom for your Kindergarten class. Ten years ago I never would have though that this would be my life and that this would be the best time in my life. It’s amazing how we grow as humans. I got to know all the kids in your class and some of the parents and it makes me feel at ease knowing I can come and go from the school whenever I want and I get to come in and do some pretty cool crafts and stuff with you and your friends. We went to your first school dance together. I dressed up as SpongeBob. Not because I wanted to, but because you asked me to. And well, who could say no to someone as sweet as you? You dressed up as Elsa from Frozen and oh MY LORD NINA, I hope you remember that you were obsessed with Frozen like every other little kid in the world. There were 27 Elsa’s at your school dance. I, of course, was one of the only parents dressed as anything and I was a huge square. I didn’t care because I had a BLAST with you and your friends. We all held hands and danced around. It was a great night and I know you’ll remember that one.

4   -I went on your class field trip with you to Lee’s Turkey Farm. I also made a request that you have your little boy crush be in our group and guess what? He was in our group. I played with you all on the playground and ran up and down castles and slides and swings while all the other parents just kind of sat around. I realized that you bring out the kid in me again and things that used to feel sad to me, like Christmas and Thanksgiving became something so exciting to me again. I think I’m more excited for the Holidays as a parent than I was when I was a kid. Seeing your face light up…. Brings tears to my eyes just imagining it. Also, on that trip we picked little pumpkins. When we got back to the school, we walked through the hallways back to your classroom and a little girl in your class dropped hers. She started crying so hard and you went up to her and gave her your pumpkin and told her it’s okay. Even typing that makes me cry. Yeah, I know…. I’m a big baby. You have such a huge heart in that little body of yours. Being your Mom is the best part of my life.

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     -Back to that crush thing…. NINA AND RONAL SITTIN’ IN THE TREE K-I-S-S-I-N-G! His name is Ronal, not Ronald which you’ve yelled at me for numerous times. It’s really, really REALLY cute. You guys take the bus home together and every time I get you from the bus, you say bye to him a few times and have this kiddy love look on your face. You admitted to me last week that you guys hold hands on the bus on the way home. You said, “I don’t know why Roanal holds my hand on the bus, but I let him.” It’s cute now, but in ten years I’ll let your Daddy deal with the boys. Something tells me, he will interrogate every boy in your life to the point of embarrassment. Rightfully so. If any little shit bag boy breaks your heart, I’m going to ruin his world. Swear jar… I know. I’ll put it in there when I’m done writing this.

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    -You ACCIDENTALLY lost your first tooth. It must have been loose but you sure yanked that thing out even though it probably wasn’t ready. I got you one of those prizes from the machine you put 50¢ in and you were trying to push it up and open with your bottom teeth. You got it open and your tooth came with it! Nina, you cried SO hard you fell asleep in the car. Then you refused to live without a paper towel in your mouth (the feeling of your tongue hitting the hole where your tooth used to be really freaked you out) and then when I told you that you had to take the paper towel out, you freaked out some more but by that time it was bedtime and you just fell asleep. It broke my heart but it was kind of funny at the same time. Every time we walk past those machines now, you walk a little faster. Also, the tooth fairy left you 5 bucks. She didn’t want to set the bar too high.

Since this is getting lengthy, I will divide it in to two parts. Next on the blog agenda: Mémère comes to visit, Grandpa Avallone, the Holidays, and your girlfriends. I love you sweet girl. You are my light and my life and I love you to the moon, the stars, and the heavens and back.

Mom

Kindergarten

Every day Nina comes home from school and tells us about what she did there. When she wakes up, she's smiling or singing or talking to Molly the Dog before we get ready for school. When she goes to sleep, she's smiling and snugly and trying to get me to sleep in bed with her. We read a lot of books before bed. She has so many that I think I need to build a book shelf in her bedroom! Every day, Nina learns new things and every day she experiences new adventures. Every day she is growing more and more and before my very eyes, she's becoming her own little person.

Nina has this incredible ability to make people happy. If you're on antidepressants, no need. Just spend a couple of weeks with this little gal and you'll be rejuvenated. She's happy, she's caring, she's loving, she's funny, and she would take the tiny shirt off of her tiny back to give to you if you were cold. Of course it would probably only cover a part of your arm, but nonetheless, she would give it if it made you just a little bit warmer. I like to think of Nina as the sun. She's the center of my universe. I know there are an infinite amount of possibilities of where and what the center of the universe is, but the sun is the brightest. She is the brightest star in my world.

This morning when Nina woke up for school, I heard her talking to Molly the Dog. She was snuggling on her (I know because she's always hanging on Molly and Molly savors every moment) and telling her how much she loves her. She talks in this sweet, little protective Mom voice. One day she told her, "I don't care if you ever do anything bad Molly, I will always love you and forgive you." I feel like this will be the case with people in her life as well. If Nina truly loves someone, she won't care what they have done... she will always love them. And if that is the case, she will have taken after her Mother and while it is a beautiful sentiment, it is a blessing and a curse. I'm quickly approaching thirty years old and I have only begun to learn who is worth keeping in my life and who is not. I hope she is wiser than me in that aspect. I believe it will save her from a lot of heart ache. But maybe she will just be stronger than me instead. I like to think it's the latter.

They made me the classroom Mom for Nina's class. I've gotten to know Nina's teacher, some of her friends, some parents, and the school staff. I'm very grateful to be a part of this and to be a part of her childhood memories in this way. Hey, maybe next year I'll trade my Civic Si in for a minivan (barf). But seriously though, I've actually considered it. I cart most of the kids around as it is anyway. ;)

Nina has a school dance coming up. Yeah I know. A school dance in Kindergarten.... weird. She's dressing up as Elsa from Frozen as is her friend Danielle and I'm sure every other little girl in school. But she's going to be the most beautiful Elsa because she's just that beautiful inside and out. <3 I am helping to decorate and chaperoning it and also chaperoning her school trip and also doing the Halloween craft with her class. Ha. I've got my plate full of Nina and I couldn't be happier with how full it is.

She comes home from school and talks about her friends and what they talk about and what they laugh about and it fills my heart with the most happiness I have ever felt. I thank the universe every day that Nina chose me to be her Mother. She is my sun, my moon, my stars.

I love you Nina Marie

Love,
Mom