Funny, cute, amazing, annoying, wonderful things you do and say my dearest Nina:
1. Instead of saying download you say "load down." "Moooommmmyyyyyy... can you load down a new game for me on your phone please?" Unbelievably adorable.
2. You yell from the bathroom every time you poop, "MOOOMMMMYY!!! CAN YOU COME WIPE MY BUTT BECAUSE I JUST POOPIED AND I NEED YOU TO WIPE MY BUTT!!!"
3. You growl. I mean legitimately growl. You sound scary and I want to run away and hide in the closet. I wish you would stop. I feel like you're possessed every time you look at me and GROWL!
4. You have the most vivid imagination. Listening to you go back and forth with your stuffed animals is priceless. You're always so sweet and loving to them. You act like a mediator between your arguing teddy bears saying, "Don't fight. Just kiss and love each other and everything will be all better!" God, you melt me like a stick of butter.
5. You put stickers on my "booboos" and then you kiss them.
6. You point to an invisible sign in your bedroom and follow the wall with your finger and say, "See this sign Mom? It says no Mommies allowed in my bedroom." It's beyond hysterical, but I can definitely wait for the coming years that will be filled with insane amounts of attitude!
7. You tell me I'm your best friend. You asked me to go over the little bridge with you in the toddler play area of the Freehold mall. I said I'm too big for that bridge. You said, "but Mommy... you're my best friends and this is what best friends do." You bet your little tushy I got up and went over that bridge with you more times than I can count on both fingers and toes. That's it Nina. Manipulate me with your cuteness!
8. You ask me to sing every night. Sometimes you fall asleep to it and sometimes you get a third, fourth, and fifth wind and stay up until midnight. Ha. The other night you were so scared. You said you were afraid of the dark. So I laid in bed with you and sang the song I sang to you when you were inside of me. Smile when your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by. If you just smile through your fears and sorrows, smile... and maybe tomorrow, you'll see that life's worthwhile..... if you just smile. You fell asleep in my arms like you used to. I cherish the few and far between times where you actually fall asleep in my arms. I know you won't do that forever my love. I wonder what that must feel like as a Mother. To let your child go like that because they don't need to hold on to you anymore. Does it hurt? I hope not. I could never imagine not holding you. You're like a little piece of heaven. I hope you always let me hold you.
9. You say FUNNY FUNNY things. Like, "Mommy... I have to tell you a secret...... Ryan poops in trees." Just out of the blue, silly little things that make me laugh so hard it hurts. Or you'll tell me how beautiful I am but say I need to change my shoes or my shirt because you don't like that. Or my personal favorite, "Mommy... you have BOOOOOOOBIES," while you poke them. Then I tell you that I do, in fact, have boobies and I tell you that you DON'T have boobies and you lift up your shirt and say, "Yes I do, they're just really little."
10. When you find something really funny, you laugh so hard that you get the hiccups. This has been happening since you were born. It's amazing.
11. You like the music you like now. You love Foster the People. They're a great band and we've gotten over listening to the Pumped up Kicks 597,000 times. You actually like the rest of the album and you know the words! It's amazing to look at you in my rear view mirror and watch you bob your head and sing along. Can I say adorable again? ADORABLE.
12. Sometimes you take your little hand and touch my face and tell me I'm beautiful. I'm only beautiful because of you my darling.
13. If you hear me say shut up or anything along those lines, you always say, "Mom, that's a bad word!" The way you talk and the expression on your face is etched in my memory forever. When you go with Daddy, I relive all of these moments inside and I smile. You always ask me if I miss you when you go away. The answer is always yes. I miss you every minute that you aren't with me.
There are things that I will add to this list over time. I never want to forget. I want to take every moment and store them all away so that one day I can open up that door and relive them with you. I imagine us drinking a bottle of wine and laughing watching all the videos from when you were a child. I imagine your little girl playing at our feet while we reminisce. I told you this before but I will never stop saying it: I love you more than anything in this world. You have made me who I am today. Who knows what state or country I would be living in or what I would be doing if you didn't come in to this world. You'll forever have my heart my little mini me.
Love,
Mum
Friday, August 17, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
My lovely, budding girl.
My darling little Nina,
It's the end of May now. I really need to get back on top of my game with this blogging thing! Since September, we have gone through many changes. You, always by my side, is what has kept me going. I wouldn't say we have the ideal situation when it comes to where we live and how much money is coming in, but we have each other; and that is totally enough for me. It won't always be like this though. We are both happy where we are for now! As long as you're happy, I am! I am graduating from college in September and am pursuing a career in marketing/sales. Very much different than what I saw myself doing five years ago, but what has lead me to this place is fate and I wouldn't have it any other way. Being as successful as I can be as a single Mother is my goal. You deserve a good life and I never want you to go without. Unfortunately it is hard in NJ to make it alone; but I will continue to try my damnedest to ensure your happiness.
Someone recently told me that I changed after I had you. They went on to tell me about the person I used to be as opposed to the person I am now and how that person didn't change when they had a child. I told this person that I did, in fact, change. I told them that I am no longer concerned with what I want and need, but rather what you want and need. I told them that I put my dreams aside so that you can have a beautiful life and fulfill yours. After all, isn't that what being a parent is all about? Apparently this person thinks it's okay to continue living for themselves and not their child. To each their own little dove. Just know how very much I love you. Whether I end up a single woman forever or marry a wonderful man (or woman... that's allowed now you know..), I will always think of what is best for you.
So, you have grown in to quite the little specimen. Three years old is definitely not as easy as two was. I am really not quite sure why they say that it's the "terrible two's" when it should be the "terrible three's." As sweet and loving as you are, you have a temperamental and difficult side. It's been a full time job in itself trying to figure out how to reprimand you when you don't listen.Sometimes I have to close my eyes and count to ten and just breeeeeaaaaaattthhhhheeee. I tell you you're driving me crazy and your response is, "but you're not driving Mommy."
You are QUITE the actress. I can't stress that enough. You have this innate ability to make tears, even when you're totally faking it. It really is a gift. You bring your lower lip down so low that it almost looks like you're having a stroke, your eyes fill up with tears, and you sniffle and look up at me as if I'm going to actually yell at you when you look like that. The manipulation has begun at three. Lord help me!
Here is a list of things you have accomplished and/or the devious things you have learned how to do since I last wrote to you:
1. You know your letters. You know all of your letters! Sometimes though, when you're feeling lazy, you tell me that a p is a q or a b is a d or a g is an l. You do it on purpose because you know it makes me mad. Which brings me to your next accomplishment...
2. You know how to push my buttons. And I don't mean Mommy has buttons on her body that Nina literally pushes, I mean you know how to get Mommy upset. The greatest part is, is that you think it's funny. EVERYONE that knows me well pushes my buttons and they laugh at me when I get upset. Not even my three year old takes my negative feelings seriously. Great! ;) The other day you were screaming, "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!!!" At this point, I was frazzled and I responded with a snarky, "WWHHHHAATTT!" You just started giggling evilly. I couldn't help but laugh.
3. You WRITE your letters. You can't write all of them but you do have a special preference for H, I, Q, and O. You love writing "HI." You write it and you ask me every time, "Mommy, does that say HI?" You're the cutest.
4. When I tell you that you can't have something, you go and ask someone else. When they ask you if Mommy said it was okay, you always reply, "yes."
5. You started lying. Which is totally a normal thing. Once a child understands that they can say something other than the truth to avoid getting in trouble or get what they want, it's on! We were playing with sidewalk chalk outside the other day and you were on the other side of my car for a while. I asked you what you were doing and you quickly replied, "nothing!" I started walking over to the other side of the car and you were pleading with me to stay where I was. At this point, I knew you had chalked up my black car. I continued around the side and saw Nina's masterpiece. You looked up at me and said, "I didn't do that." I had to turn around to laugh before scolding you. You see, you know better.
6. You eat other things now besides chicken nuggets, french fries, fruit, and hot dogs. I have successfully gotten you to eat cauliflower, sandwiches (all kinds), mozzarella sticks, and PIZZA! Something you always said you didn't like but never tried. Now you love them. You're growing little munchkin. You're 32 lbs and 39" tall. I wish I could just hit a pause button and you can stay young and pure forever.
I know there are so many more things and I will continue to jot them down and then put them in here for you to read, but one thing has never changed from the moment you were born. You have the most loving heart. You care so much about everyone and everything. I was kind of hoping you wouldn't be as sensitive as me but it's there. I just hope you don't show weakness in life. When you show weakness, people pray upon it and they will hurt you. I have been hurt many times, but never once have I hurt my family or friends. I wish I could say the same for my boyfriends, and looking back I wish I didn't. You're not always going to be good. And that's okay baby. Everyone makes mistakes.
I love seeing you smile and happy. I love listening to your imaginative stories. I love the person you are becoming. If I only ever have you as a child, my life will be complete. You're my daughter and my best friend. It's not always going to feel like we're friends, especially when you get older. If you are anything like how I was when I was a teenager, I'm in for it! Your Mémère and me are best friends now. We weren't always in my younger years, but I couldn't imagine my life without her. We used to fight like crazy! One day though, in our own dysfunctional way, we became friends. I believe I was 17. She made me so mad that I called her a bad word. I immediately regretted this until she responded with, "oh yeah? Well, you're a (insert another bad word here)." We both started laughing and it broke the ice. From that day forward, we remained as close as we are today. Whenever one of us got angry with each other, we just called each other a despicable name and started laughing. Yes, totally dysfunctional but awesome.
Stay young Nina. Want to stay young. Growing up isn't easy and once you're older, you wish you could go back. I promise I'll make your childhood a memorable one.
Love you always,
Mum
My God you are getting so big. You look like you're five in this picture. Slow down!
My beautiful angel.
It's the end of May now. I really need to get back on top of my game with this blogging thing! Since September, we have gone through many changes. You, always by my side, is what has kept me going. I wouldn't say we have the ideal situation when it comes to where we live and how much money is coming in, but we have each other; and that is totally enough for me. It won't always be like this though. We are both happy where we are for now! As long as you're happy, I am! I am graduating from college in September and am pursuing a career in marketing/sales. Very much different than what I saw myself doing five years ago, but what has lead me to this place is fate and I wouldn't have it any other way. Being as successful as I can be as a single Mother is my goal. You deserve a good life and I never want you to go without. Unfortunately it is hard in NJ to make it alone; but I will continue to try my damnedest to ensure your happiness.
Someone recently told me that I changed after I had you. They went on to tell me about the person I used to be as opposed to the person I am now and how that person didn't change when they had a child. I told this person that I did, in fact, change. I told them that I am no longer concerned with what I want and need, but rather what you want and need. I told them that I put my dreams aside so that you can have a beautiful life and fulfill yours. After all, isn't that what being a parent is all about? Apparently this person thinks it's okay to continue living for themselves and not their child. To each their own little dove. Just know how very much I love you. Whether I end up a single woman forever or marry a wonderful man (or woman... that's allowed now you know..), I will always think of what is best for you.
So, you have grown in to quite the little specimen. Three years old is definitely not as easy as two was. I am really not quite sure why they say that it's the "terrible two's" when it should be the "terrible three's." As sweet and loving as you are, you have a temperamental and difficult side. It's been a full time job in itself trying to figure out how to reprimand you when you don't listen.Sometimes I have to close my eyes and count to ten and just breeeeeaaaaaattthhhhheeee. I tell you you're driving me crazy and your response is, "but you're not driving Mommy."
You are QUITE the actress. I can't stress that enough. You have this innate ability to make tears, even when you're totally faking it. It really is a gift. You bring your lower lip down so low that it almost looks like you're having a stroke, your eyes fill up with tears, and you sniffle and look up at me as if I'm going to actually yell at you when you look like that. The manipulation has begun at three. Lord help me!
Here is a list of things you have accomplished and/or the devious things you have learned how to do since I last wrote to you:
1. You know your letters. You know all of your letters! Sometimes though, when you're feeling lazy, you tell me that a p is a q or a b is a d or a g is an l. You do it on purpose because you know it makes me mad. Which brings me to your next accomplishment...
2. You know how to push my buttons. And I don't mean Mommy has buttons on her body that Nina literally pushes, I mean you know how to get Mommy upset. The greatest part is, is that you think it's funny. EVERYONE that knows me well pushes my buttons and they laugh at me when I get upset. Not even my three year old takes my negative feelings seriously. Great! ;) The other day you were screaming, "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!!!" At this point, I was frazzled and I responded with a snarky, "WWHHHHAATTT!" You just started giggling evilly. I couldn't help but laugh.
3. You WRITE your letters. You can't write all of them but you do have a special preference for H, I, Q, and O. You love writing "HI." You write it and you ask me every time, "Mommy, does that say HI?" You're the cutest.
4. When I tell you that you can't have something, you go and ask someone else. When they ask you if Mommy said it was okay, you always reply, "yes."
5. You started lying. Which is totally a normal thing. Once a child understands that they can say something other than the truth to avoid getting in trouble or get what they want, it's on! We were playing with sidewalk chalk outside the other day and you were on the other side of my car for a while. I asked you what you were doing and you quickly replied, "nothing!" I started walking over to the other side of the car and you were pleading with me to stay where I was. At this point, I knew you had chalked up my black car. I continued around the side and saw Nina's masterpiece. You looked up at me and said, "I didn't do that." I had to turn around to laugh before scolding you. You see, you know better.
6. You eat other things now besides chicken nuggets, french fries, fruit, and hot dogs. I have successfully gotten you to eat cauliflower, sandwiches (all kinds), mozzarella sticks, and PIZZA! Something you always said you didn't like but never tried. Now you love them. You're growing little munchkin. You're 32 lbs and 39" tall. I wish I could just hit a pause button and you can stay young and pure forever.
I know there are so many more things and I will continue to jot them down and then put them in here for you to read, but one thing has never changed from the moment you were born. You have the most loving heart. You care so much about everyone and everything. I was kind of hoping you wouldn't be as sensitive as me but it's there. I just hope you don't show weakness in life. When you show weakness, people pray upon it and they will hurt you. I have been hurt many times, but never once have I hurt my family or friends. I wish I could say the same for my boyfriends, and looking back I wish I didn't. You're not always going to be good. And that's okay baby. Everyone makes mistakes.
I love seeing you smile and happy. I love listening to your imaginative stories. I love the person you are becoming. If I only ever have you as a child, my life will be complete. You're my daughter and my best friend. It's not always going to feel like we're friends, especially when you get older. If you are anything like how I was when I was a teenager, I'm in for it! Your Mémère and me are best friends now. We weren't always in my younger years, but I couldn't imagine my life without her. We used to fight like crazy! One day though, in our own dysfunctional way, we became friends. I believe I was 17. She made me so mad that I called her a bad word. I immediately regretted this until she responded with, "oh yeah? Well, you're a (insert another bad word here)." We both started laughing and it broke the ice. From that day forward, we remained as close as we are today. Whenever one of us got angry with each other, we just called each other a despicable name and started laughing. Yes, totally dysfunctional but awesome.
Stay young Nina. Want to stay young. Growing up isn't easy and once you're older, you wish you could go back. I promise I'll make your childhood a memorable one.
Love you always,
Mum
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