Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Some things we have missed

It’s been a while my little girl. I’ve been so busy making these memories with you but then I wonder what would happen if I forgot. Or you forget. Where are they stored in our memory banks? Sometimes I’ll be somewhere as small as the grocery store and see something as insignificant as a beach shovel in the summer isle and I can remember an entire clip of when I was five years old at the beach with my Mom and Dad and Auntie Theresa and Uncle Buddy in Ft. Pierce, FL. I never remembered the memory before. It was overcast and the waves were strong. There was definitely some sort of an undercurrent because I remember being pulled along back and forth and fighting to make it to shore. It was hard to keep my head above water. When I finally did get to shore, I just laid there. When I saw my Mom, it was as if nothing happened. She didn’t go through that with me. She had no idea. It’s funny how certain things we see can bring our memories back. Certain smells, certain situations we are brought in to. I made this blog so that we can sit back and reminisce together one day and as few and far between as I write in it, I hope that one day you love it. Because I sure do love you with every ounce of my being.

We have done A LOT of things. We bought a house. A very own home of our home. You love it so much my Nina. You ask me all the time, “can we live in this house forever?” I always say yes and I hope that we do and I will do everything in my power to make sure that we all live here forever. I always want this to be our home. And as big as it feels now to you, one day when you’re older you will walk through that door and wonder how something so big can feel so small. It’ll still feel big inside, but it will sure look smaller than the mansion you believe it is now. I used to think my backyard in FL was a mansion and visiting it as an adult, it was the tiniest back yard with the tiniest little shed I used to play school in. I used to think the Grapefruit tree your Uncle Ryan and I used to climb was the biggest tree on earth and when I climbed to the top of it, I could see all the way to Cuba. In reality, I would be lucky if I saw two houses over, but to me, the skyline up there was never ending.

We got a new puppy. You and I stopped at this doggy/puppy place and saw this dog that looked like a miniature Miles (Pup Pup Marty and Grammy’s old dog that howls funny and is really old). We immediately looked at each other and said “YEP, WE ARE BRINGING HIM HOME!” I love doing those spur of the moment things with you, BUT just know bringing animals home is a big deal and if you aren’t planning on keeping them forever, don’t bring them home! We named him Henry and boy was Henry a cute puppy but he drove us CRAZY! But we love him and almost a year later, he still drives us crazy and we still love him to death. Well maybe you and Jamie more than Molly and me. ;) Remember how Jamie was like, “what’s that? That’s not ours, is it? Nope. We aren’t keeping him.” Then a day later, he was, “like awwwww yeah he’s ours, we can keep him!” Now Jamie loves him more than anyone else in the house.

Zula is still your cat. You certainly have a way with animals like I have never seen before. Your love for them is pure and their love for you is a rarity. Every night Molly the Dog and Zula are upstairs on your bed sleeping with you and I’m willing to bet if Henry wasn’t a little monster and could sit still for more than two minutes outside of his bed in his crate at night, he would be sleeping with you too.

I’ll never forget the time we went to a haunted hayride with Molly and Jamie near our old apartment. They had two farm dogs there. The place was so crowded with people, you guys could have easily gotten lost from us if we didn’t keep you close. I looked over and there you were, kneeling down with these two dogs licking your face. I noticed these two dogs earlier that evening with kids running after them trying to pet them and they paid no mind to anyone. But you…for some reason… they just wanted to sit and say Hey Nina, we know you’re good. And you are kiddo. You certainly are.

You are my favorite person in the world. I know I tell you that all the time when I tuck you in at night and I hope you never forget it.


Love Always,


Mom





Wednesday, January 20, 2016

New Beginnings

My dearest Nina,

The past few months have been a whirlwind. We have gone through so much in order to buy a home. We have been looking for quite some time and we finally found our perfect home. The stress of not knowing if it was ours or not and everything that came with buying a house was enough to almost make me break. But I'm still here kiddo. I've realized a lot of things over the years and I know as the years pass, you will come to realizations yourself.

As you grow older, you grow a little bit wiser. I didn't want to rent an apartment forever. I wanted better for you. I wanted a backyard with a swing set, another dog, your own huge room, a neighborhood filled with friendly people and kids, a place for you to grow up in, a place I will never take away. Having you so young, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I don't really think many people do at that age. I knew with all of my heart that I wanted you though. I just didn't know what to do with my life. I made some poor choices but I also made some good ones and that is life baby. You're not always going to do what's right. No one gets it right the first time. Just keep going and realize that eventually you will be where you're meant to be. A very smart friend of mine told me just yesterday to trust the plan, not the pain. You are going to go through some heart aches in life but when you have so many people surrounding you who love you, you'll never feel alone.

This is our house! For you, for me, for Jamie and Molly and all our little animals. I am so grateful to be able to say that I own a home and I will work tirelessly every single day for the rest of my life to ensure that this is your home forever. Because you deserve that.

I wanted to let you know how proud I am of the little woman you are becoming. I cannot believe you are seven years old now. I know I always say this, but the time is flying. You are sweet, kind and loving. You are goofy, funny and unique. You are beautiful inside and out to your very core. I adore how much you love animals and how you talk to them and spend so much time with them. I look at you and I see myself and how I was when I was a little girl. You're a people pleaser. Even when people don't deserve it. You just want everyone to be happy. I do too. But sometimes, you're not always going to please everyone and you have to do what you think is right for you and what makes you happy. This is one of those things I have realized over the years.

So many amazing things are going to happen for you. You'll see. And I'll be right here cheering you on, supporting you, loving you and always doing right by you.


Love,
Mommy